“Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems” Dan Wile
The average couple waits approximately six years before seeking any kind of help. If you are at a place where some of the statements below seem all too familiar, it may be time (or past time) for you and your partner to pick up the phone and make that call:
- We seem to argue about the same two to three things over and over without getting anywhere.
- We can’t seem to talk any more without getting defensive and critical.
- I don’t feel like my partner really understands who I am any more. We don’t talk the way we used to.
- We act like roommates or business partners with very little romance or intimacy.
- I feel uncomfortable with conflict, and I don’t know how to bring up what’s on my heart without it being misunderstood.
- My partner is so emotional, and I am uncomfortable when the emotion starts. So I just don’t go there.
- There has been marital infidelity, and we don’t know what to do next.
Many problems in relationships happen because we just don’t know how to talk to each other. Emotions run high in our love relationships, and talking when you feel overwhelmed or if you don’t have the right tools makes the conversation even more difficult. Couples often feel confused because it is difficult to know where to go to learn new skills. Therapy is a safe place to learn the techniques of healthy conversations in relationships. My work with couples includes helping them learn new ways of talking and hearing their partner and being heard, understood, and accepted for who they are.
I teach couples proven ways to start and continue conversations by introducing the idea of conflict as something that can be positive when handled correctly. They learn how to clean up conversation styles which can that cause defensiveness and criticism.
- How to discuss those “hot topics” that are causing emotional distance.
- New problem solving techniques to find areas of compromise and understanding.
- Effective tools to help rebuild their trust and friendship.
- How to explore each other’s value systems in ways that don’t feel threatening.
Therapy can help improve relationships in the following areas:
- Remove the anguish of feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.
- Resolve frustration when discussions come up about the “same old problems.”
- Change the lack of emotional connection to being best friends.
- Rebuild trust and belief in the relationship.
- Create a sense of teamwork and renewed admiration for each other.