Ever had that great first date and you’re keen to see where things go, but then you later found yourself in an unpredictable trickle of contact? They reach out just enough to pique your interest—sending a quick message or suggesting a casual meet-up—before vanishing once more. This can make you feel bewildered and a bit let down. But this confusing pattern of engagement that’s minimal and inconsistent has a name– it’s called ‘breadcrumbing’.
This behavioral pattern in dating and relationships has been frequently discussed in real-life experiences it’s also making rounds on social media like TikTok. While often unintentional, recognizing the emotional dynamics behind breadcrumbing is essential. Wondermind discussed this further in an article, where Dr. Dana McNeil, LMFT, PsyD shared her expert views about this relationship situation.
According to Dr. McNeil, there are other signs someone might be breadcrumbing you:
Their words don’t match their bare-minimum actions, Dr. McNeil says. For example, they might tell you, “I didn’t know someone like you existed. I can’t believe how wonderful you are. I want to take you on a romantic getaway to Greece,” but they never plan anything—not even a casual date at your local gyros shop.
When asked what’s the reason behind why people do this, she says:
Breadcrumbing is often linked to selfish, manipulative, and maybe even emotionally abusive behavior meant to keep you as a reliable self-esteem boost,
Breadcrumbing can be harder for people on the receiving end, however, Dr. McNeil advises them to:
Stop analyzing where you went wrong or what you could have done or said to make them commit, and definitely stop thinking that you’re undateable. “It’s not that they’re rejecting you—they’re rejecting closeness, but that’s very hard to see,” Dr. McNeil says. “This is something that this person was always going to do. … It’s likely who they are with everybody.”
Dr. McNeil has previously discussed the signs of breadcrumbing in her article, Are You Being Breadcrumbed? 5 Signals To Watch Out For.
This Wondermind article is written by Ashley Laderer. Click here to read more.
