Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion and When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times By Pema Chödrön

Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion and When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times By Pema Chödrön

If you have any interest in understanding the principles or teachings of Buddhism, then I highly recommend anything by Pema Chödrön. I have read almost all of her books and the one I assign the most often to my clients, who are going through a hard season in life, is When Things Fall Apart. To be honest most of my clients come back to me and are frustrated that I asked them to read a book that suggests that they should be suffering. I am happy to say that most all of those same clients will often return again and again to the wisdom and teachings in these books because the teachings ask you to sit with your current difficulties and face them and stay present in them. My clients often end up forgiving me for recommending the book and appreciate having faced their difficulties head on.

Most of us want to have a quick fix or a way to avoid facing the hard stuff. These teachings suggest that suffering is a shared human condition and that having the experience of pain, disappointment, or distress with the current complications in life is a universal task. No one makes it through life without experiencing problems or wishing that things were different. The only path to peace is when we can find a way to sit still and accept the situation as it is. By being brave enough to do so, we can make new decisions and understandings about how to survive and find wisdom about the growth needed by virtue of the change.

Other Reviews

I love reading non-fiction books that unfold like fiction and this book checks all the boxes. The author intersperses her own personal difficulties in attempting to find a partner via dating apps along with the research she did for the book.

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You need to expect that a therapist would put a book by this globally recognized leader on this list of recommended readings. Brené Brown has been instrumental in starting so many conversations about mental health and the inner critic.

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Some of my clients tell me they want to incorporate spirituality into their mental health journey. They tell me that therapy combined with faith is the best way to feel extra support, comfort, and guidance while they make sense of what life has thrown their way.

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This book of inspirational quotations just never stops hitting the spot just when I need something to ground me or pump me up. You may have heard of Cheryl Strayed as the author of the New York Times best-selling book called Wild.

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I absolutely could not create a recommended book list without including the book that has most influenced my career as a couples’ therapist. Not only as a therapist but as a fellow human being who cares about the quality of my relationships.

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I am grateful I read this book for so numerous reasons. The most important is that all my clients are generally in various kinds of grief when they first come to visit me.

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Talking about sex with our clients is a BIG part of our job as couples’ therapists because a couple’s lack of sex can be a BIG problem in a relationship. This book is a new must read for not only clients, but for everyone who is having sex.

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Many of our clients are reading Esther Perel’s books and listening to her podcast, so it makes sense that we would choose one of her most popular relationship essays to read for our book club.

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This was also another book club choice written by a colleague of mine who owns a group therapy practice that specializes in affirming sex therapy. The basis of the book was from research Jennifer and Julia conducted with over 1,600 women who identify as being involved in the kink community.

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The book club decided to throw in a little fiction to work as a palate cleanser for all the non-fiction we have been reading. The Measure by Nikki Erlick is arguably one of the best speculative fiction books that was published in 2022. Nikki Erlick hands her readers a moral dilemma about what each of us would do if we were to find out how long we had to live.

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This book was written by a therapist who also identifies as being polyamorous. Since about 25% of our couples who we see in the group practice identify as either being in or wanting to enter a consensual nonmonogamy relationship, this book seemed like a great choice for our book club.

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Many clients come to couples’ therapy wanting to talk about the difference between each partner’s attachment styles and how the differences play a role in their relationship challenges.

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I was reading our local newspaper one day and saw an article about a San Diego based throuple who were being featured for their journey to became surrogate fathers. As you can imagine, they faced mountains of legal and societal constraints in order to accomplish their goal of becoming fathers.

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Unfortunately, as a couples’ therapist I work with numerous clients who find themselves working through the pain and feelings of betrayal that happen when an affair has occurred in their relationship. So often the person on the receiving end wants to understand why it happened.

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This book was popular with the therapists I work with in my group practice when we read it as one of our book club choices. The consequences of extra marital affairs or any kind of relationship betrayal is that trust is impacted. It is not only impacted, it’s often obliterated to the point where everything hinges on the way a partner responds to the betrayed person.

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So often clients come to see me who tell me they feel torn and pulled in two directions about whether to stay in their current relationship or end it. It’s painful to watch my clients agonize over this decision, because by the time they come to see me, they are often twisted up and so confused.

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Dr. Dana McNeil

Dr. Dana McNeil
PsyD, LMFT

Founder of The Relationship Place
Marriage and Family Therapist CA License #99008

certified gottman therapist
DANA-DIVIDER

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