Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy By Eve Rickert and Jessica Fern.

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy By Eve Rickert and Jessica Fern.

This book was written by a therapist who also identifies as being polyamorous. Since about 25% of our couples who we see in the group practice identify as either being in or wanting to enter a consensual nonmonogamy relationship, this book seemed like a great choice for our book club.

This book used a lot of the concepts that were presented in the book Attached( reference above) as a basis of the author’s evaluation of how attachment styles impact success in consensual nonmonogamy relationships.

The author made some good arguments and some personal observations about her experience and provided examples and reasons for her perspective. If you are interested in reading this book, I would definitely recommend you read Attached as a part one to this book. Polysecure doesn’t provide steps on entering into a poly relationship (and those should really be set up with a competent therapist who has experience with this topic) but does provide some food for thought about how to approach CNM from a perspective that may help create healthier unions.

Other Reviews

I love reading non-fiction books that unfold like fiction and this book checks all the boxes. The author intersperses her own personal difficulties in attempting to find a partner via dating apps along with the research she did for the book.

Read Full Review »

You need to expect that a therapist would put a book by this globally recognized leader on this list of recommended readings. Brené Brown has been instrumental in starting so many conversations about mental health and the inner critic.

Read Full Review »

Some of my clients tell me they want to incorporate spirituality into their mental health journey. They tell me that therapy combined with faith is the best way to feel extra support, comfort, and guidance while they make sense of what life has thrown their way.

Read Full Review »

This book of inspirational quotations just never stops hitting the spot just when I need something to ground me or pump me up. You may have heard of Cheryl Strayed as the author of the New York Times best-selling book called Wild.

Read Full Review »

I absolutely could not create a recommended book list without including the book that has most influenced my career as a couples’ therapist. Not only as a therapist but as a fellow human being who cares about the quality of my relationships.

Read Full Review »

I am grateful I read this book for so numerous reasons. The most important is that all my clients are generally in various kinds of grief when they first come to visit me.

Read Full Review »

If you have any interest in understanding the principles or teachings of Buddhism, then I highly recommend anything by Pema Chödrön. I have read almost all of her books and the one I assign the most often to my clients, who are going through a hard season in life, is When Things Fall Apart.

Read Full Review »

Talking about sex with our clients is a BIG part of our job as couples’ therapists because a couple’s lack of sex can be a BIG problem in a relationship. This book is a new must read for not only clients, but for everyone who is having sex.

Read Full Review »

Many of our clients are reading Esther Perel’s books and listening to her podcast, so it makes sense that we would choose one of her most popular relationship essays to read for our book club.

Read Full Review »

This was also another book club choice written by a colleague of mine who owns a group therapy practice that specializes in affirming sex therapy. The basis of the book was from research Jennifer and Julia conducted with over 1,600 women who identify as being involved in the kink community.

Read Full Review »

The book club decided to throw in a little fiction to work as a palate cleanser for all the non-fiction we have been reading. The Measure by Nikki Erlick is arguably one of the best speculative fiction books that was published in 2022. Nikki Erlick hands her readers a moral dilemma about what each of us would do if we were to find out how long we had to live.

Read Full Review »

Many clients come to couples’ therapy wanting to talk about the difference between each partner’s attachment styles and how the differences play a role in their relationship challenges.

Read Full Review »

I was reading our local newspaper one day and saw an article about a San Diego based throuple who were being featured for their journey to became surrogate fathers. As you can imagine, they faced mountains of legal and societal constraints in order to accomplish their goal of becoming fathers.

Read Full Review »

Unfortunately, as a couples’ therapist I work with numerous clients who find themselves working through the pain and feelings of betrayal that happen when an affair has occurred in their relationship. So often the person on the receiving end wants to understand why it happened.

Read Full Review »

This book was popular with the therapists I work with in my group practice when we read it as one of our book club choices. The consequences of extra marital affairs or any kind of relationship betrayal is that trust is impacted. It is not only impacted, it’s often obliterated to the point where everything hinges on the way a partner responds to the betrayed person.

Read Full Review »

So often clients come to see me who tell me they feel torn and pulled in two directions about whether to stay in their current relationship or end it. It’s painful to watch my clients agonize over this decision, because by the time they come to see me, they are often twisted up and so confused.

Read Full Review »
Dr. Dana McNeil

Dr. Dana McNeil
PsyD, LMFT

Founder of The Relationship Place
Marriage and Family Therapist CA License #99008

certified gottman therapist
DANA-DIVIDER

Sign up for our mailing list!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.